Chemo, Honesty & Golden Bowls of Prayer

Today I brought my Dad into the surgery center for a port-a-cath. While I was sitting in the waiting room, I felt compelled to ask the good people of social media for prayer. I typed up the request, and then I hesitated. Why the hesitation? Good question.  I asked myself the same thing. So, I had to do some soul searching. Here's what I came up with, sorry, but I'm keeping it honest here:

1. There is so much heartache in the world; why burden people further.
2. I'm tired of having problems, grief and heartache.
3. No one cares.
4. It might be taken as a need for attention, even though it's not for me.
5. Maybe strong is me handling this myself and keeping it to myself.
6. That handful of people who never post anything personal, but read everything . . .and make you feel stupid for posting.
7. Unwanted advice. Stupid comments. Pat answers.
8. People might ask me about Dad in public and I might cry. But then, I might think about it public and cry anyway.
9. It makes it too real. It makes it too real. It makes it too real.

I landed on Number 9. Excuse the rant and negativity, but that was what my brainstorming produced.  So, I didn't post it. Instead, I started doing my Bible Study while I was waiting, and I learned about the Altar of Incense. It's funny how God works sometimes. He is so intentional. So thoughtful.  So good.  So on time.  The Bible study I'm attending is working through "A Woman's Heart, God's Dwelling Place", by Beth Moore. I think it's my 3rd or 4th time doing the study. So, I thought I'd just take one of the previous workbooks and glide on through it. Guess what? I couldn't find that workbook. I know I tossed a bunch of them out in a cleaning binge, but I had literally just done that one with a girlfriend. I worked hard on it! I know I didn't throw it away!! Good one Lord! (I'll find it when the study is over, you know I will). Yes, I bought another workbook and started in again. And just like HE planned, I needed it at this time. The study is about how God dwelled with man in the Garden of Eden, then in the Tabernacle in the wilderness, and now in our hearts, because of Jesus. You study the Tabernacle very in-depth . . .it's a wonderful study.

Okay, so let me tie this together. While studying the Altar of Incense . . .in great detail, I read the following verses:

Psalm 141:2

Think of my prayer

as sweet-smelling incense,

and think of my lifted hands

as an evening sacrifice.

Rev 5:8

And when he had taken it, the four living creatures and the twenty-four elders fell down before the Lamb. Each one had a harp and they were holding golden bowls full of incense, which are the prayers of God’s people.

Rev 8:3

Another angel, who had a golden censer, came and stood at the altar. He was given much incense to offer, with the prayers of all God’s people, on the golden altar in front of the throne.

So you see, to the Lord, the prayers of the saints are incense to his nostrils. And the beautiful fragrance that he smells, is that of His son, Jesus. It smells good to Father God, they are precious things, in a golden bowl, on the golden altar, in the heavenly place. Those prayers are valued. They are handled with great care.  They shouldn't be withheld.

So, I felt the conviction of the Holy Spirit in a few ways. 

Firstly, I was withholding those prayers by not asking for them in the first place.  I wasn't giving people the opportunity to come alongside of us, to lift him up and bless him. But the scriptures tell us to pray about everything and to share each other's burdens. 

I was also not being honest about how life is going. Hi, how are you? Good, you? When in fact, the answer is, well, not so good right now. I'm trying to be strong and positive and hopeful, but inside I'm afraid.  That's honesty.  As a Christian, I know I'm never alone, that God is with me, that I'll get through this, but still, in all truth, this is big and scary.  I've walked this path before . . .

I know that on social media, our lives can look much more perfect than they are, and I don't want to fall into the trap of presenting one life and living another. I struggle and that's a fact. We all do. And if someone tells you differently, well, it's not the truth. I certainly hope and pray that I am not guilty of giving you a skewed perspective . . .it's neither picture perfect nor doom and gloom. It's life. It's up the mountain and down to the valley, just like you.  I know I have always appreciated people who share their struggles, who are real.

So, instead of posting, I'm blogging. That way, you can read it if you're interested, and hopefully you'll add your prayers for my sweet Dad to the others in the bowl, and God will smell their beautiful perfume, and He will grant him favor, give us comfort, peace, and hope. I am asking for a miracle . . .and no matter what happens, I will trust. I will take this storm one day at a time, and God will be my anchor. 

Dad starts chemo on Monday. He has a large tumor in his liver that has metastasized. So the journey begins again, and I truly do covet your prayers.