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Showing posts from 2017

Happy New Year?

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I'm not feeling it.  Today has been such an incredibly hard day. I wasn't expecting that.  I was spending time with my gorgeous new grandbaby, and the thought of a new year all of the sudden completely blindsided me. Why?  Because I felt that I was leaving John behind in 2017.  Maybe that makes no sense to anyone else, or maybe it makes perfect sense. I would imagine anyone who lost a child around the holidays can certainly relate. I think a poor night's sleep got the ball rolling, but roll it did.  I couldn't stop crying. Couldn't get myself together.  I had to go home. What a terrible feeling that is.   Ringing in the New Year should be a time of joy and celebration. However, for me, today, the tears won't stop. The year 2017, for us, will always be the year John died.  The year he left us.  The year that changed our lives forever. The year the sadness came to visit and refused to leave.  I don't want to move out of 2017.  Not yet. I'm not

Thoughts on Grief

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Grief.  That's a fun topic to share on, right?  As usual, I will warn you, you brought yourself here, and reading is optional:)  You are going to get tired of me, I know I am.  Do what you need to do to keep your day sunny and bright.  If that means dumping me on Facebook or steering clear of my thoughts or my person, please do.  I give you my permission.  Someone accused me of being addicted to social media, and writing for "likes." She also compared the death of my son to that of Jesus, and asked if I thought a present-day Mary would have "felt a focus to followers on Facebook or to pings on a blog." (Pings?)  As if I orchestrated this pain to get more likes?  She suggested I get off social media, but instead, she unfriended me.  So, problem solved.  The lesson here, not everyone should try to speak into the life of others, and certainly not without your permission. Furthermore, if it's hurtful to you in your current state, you don't have to allow it.

How Are You Doing Kristin? How Are You REALLY doing?

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Crappy. [edited] Is that what you wanted to hear?  This is the worst possible thing that I can think of living through, and yet here we are.  Teetering between reality and a dream. So if you don't want to know how I'm really doing, stop reading now, or ask the Minnesota nice question, "Hey, how are you", and I'll say "Good, you?" and we can both get on with our day.   Please, don't continue asking me (true story), because, you will end up with a sobbing pile of goo, and I don't really think that's what you want. Do you?   If you do, then invite yourself over, bring a Venti Cinnamon Dolce from Starbucks, and maybe some Special K Bars, and we can discuss my deepest darkest feelings.  You're still going to get a sobbing pile of goo, but I won't be out in public, and I'll get a coffee:).  I'm afraid it's going to be the answer for a very long time.  We are all going to have good moments and bad moments.  Good hour

Chemo, Honesty & Golden Bowls of Prayer

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Today I brought my Dad into the surgery center for a port-a-cath. While I was sitting in the waiting room, I felt compelled to ask the good people of social media for prayer. I typed up the request, and then I hesitated. Why the hesitation? Good question.  I asked myself the same thing. So, I had to do some soul searching. Here's what I came up with, sorry, but I'm keeping it honest here: There is so much heartache in the world; why burden people further. I'm tired of having problems, grief and heartache. No one cares. It might be taken as a need for attention, even though it's not for me. Maybe strong is me handling this myself and keeping it to myself. That handful of people who never post anything personal, but read everything . . .and make you feel stupid for posting. Unwanted advice. Stupid comments. Pat answers. People might ask me about Dad in public and I might cry. But then, I might think about it public and cry anyway. It makes it too real. It make

Love & Loss

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Last Friday we took our beautiful German Shepherd, Sarge, in for surgery.  He had a baseball sized tumor on his spleen.  The surgery went well, but he was 10, and within an hour of bringing him home, he passed away.  It was quick.   By the time we figured out that he was in trouble, he was gone. I'm so glad he knew that we came back, that we tried, that he was home, and that he was loved.  He never complained, he just loved.  He was such a good guy, our Shep.  I am going to miss him so much.   He passed away on the 8th anniversary of my Mom's death.  In a way, that is a comfort to me.  It's one of those dates that you hold close to your heart, but don't really allow yourself to visit mentally - too much.  I'm the type of person that just can't allow myself to think or dwell on sadness too long, or I'll fall into a place that's much harder to get out of.  However, watching that beloved dog leave this earth was a little too much like watching my m

Complaining

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Last week our Bible study lesson was on complaining.  Wow, did we have a lot to discuss! It's a great study by James MacDonald called "Lord, Change My Attitude Before It's Too Late."  So, do any of you complain?  Really?  That's fantastic!! 😇  I kinda figured it was just me;)  Okay, seriously, maybe there are a couple of you who are curious about what the Bible says regarding complaining, so this is for you . . . Complaining is sin [missing the mark, failing in regard to God's holy standard and just demands] and God hates it. Tough stuff.  Stick with me. He defines complaining as: "Expressing dissatisfaction with a circumstance that isn't wrong and I'm doing nothing to correct it."     If we ask ourselves, I'm pretty sure we all know in our hearts when we have crossed the line into full on complaining.  Pastor MacDonald talks about the exodus of the Israelites out of Egypt and their time in the wilderness.  Did you know that t

God Is In The Details

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Guess what?  We are going to be Grandparents! It's just the best news ever. 💛 Watching our daughter and her husband struggle with infertility over the last three years has been heart breaking.  But I am here to tell you that God is good, all the time!   He is the God of details who longs to give good gifts to His children, to delight them, talk with them, walk with them, and lead them down a life giving path.  After all, a God who knows how many stars are in the sky or how many hairs are currently on your head, is definitely a God of the smallest detail.  Let me share with you just how involved He is in our lives.  After all, who couldn't use a little good news? My group of girlfriends got together for a shopping day.  We ended up at Mama's Happy in Watertown, where I purchased a decorative wall mounted coat rack for the lake place.  However, when I got it back to the lake, I discovered that it was too long for where I needed it to go.  So, my darling and talent

The Word

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Summer.  ðŸ˜Ž My favorite time of year.  I've figured out a couple things since my last blog post.   1.  I tend to have more to say when something is bothering me or I'm stressed.  2.  Summer makes me happy, therefore, I clearly have less to say:)   However, something did pop up today that I'd like to address, because it made me think about why I love to do Bible Studies.  I can't remember exactly when I started attending a Bible Study.  It's been a long time!  Time has a way of creeping up on us doesn't it?  I've attended studies at several churches in my area over the last 25 years.  I even facilitated a study for five years at the church where I am currently a member.  Right now I'm jamming with the Baptist girls, and loving it.   But I regress . . .okay, here we go.   First off, I think it's incredibly important to stay in God's word and working through a Bible study keeps you in the pages.  I love the Bible.  I love digg

Life is Hard

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A few years ago we did a Bible Study called "When Life is Hard" by James MacDonald. Sometimes, we are being prepared in advance for a season that we will be going through in the future. And, at other times, we are neck deep in a hard season and God provides a study, a book, a sermon, or a wise friend, that meets us right where we are at, and it's exactly what we need to help us get through it. If you are going through a hard season in your life, I would highly recommend the book by the same name, "When Life is Hard", by James MacDonald. A couple of other choices are, "You'll Get Through This", by Max Lucado, and "What To Do On The Worst Day of Your Life" by Brian Zahnd.📚 I went through a difficult season a few years back, and wondered "How on earth will we get through this?" My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer for the third time on the day of my daughter's graduation party. The doctor had assured us that he didn'