The Portal: Portal-ity Thoughts

If I'm going to have a bad day, it's typically Monday. So, I find myself here, writing. I hope it relieves some of the sadness. I have a confession. I almost got out of church yesterday without crying.  Almost. Then we sang the song "King of My Heart" by Bethel Music. It was this chorus, sung beautifully by the worship team, that got me: "You're never gonna let You're never gonna let me down And You're never gonna let You're never gonna let me down You're never gonna let You're never gonna let me down You're never gonna let You're never gonna let me down" It continues, on and on, you get the idea. In a normal life, this would be an okay song. Sang with a thankful heart and all the feels. But as a bereaved mom, I couldn't help thinking, but wait, I was let down. I was let down in the most heartbreaking way possible.  My son died. So am I wrong to feel let down?  To be completely disappointed?  To question e

Some losses are not overcomeable. Sometimes no glue exists to fix your brand of a broken heart. Sometimes you are thrown a devastation that you will have to live with for the rest of your life. Some questions won't have answers. There are simply things that you can not understand, get over, or move on from. Sorry to let you in on this unhappy truth. In this culture of instant fixes and #happinessgoalz, we want to believe that people can rise from any heart-wrenching loss and claim victory over it. That the story ends "happily ever after", and we can leave the theater surrounded in all the feels and warm fuzzies, our bellies full of popcorn and our minds delighting in the possibilities of a perfect life! We, myself included, want to believe that people are inherently good, broken hearts can heal, and we are going to live a life immune from great suffering.  And, that if we do have a trial, it will be an opportunity to show the world how strong and amazing we are!