The Portal: Portal-ity Thoughts

The darkness clouds my mind, my heart, the very atmosphere I breathe, even on a beautiful sunny day.  The hole you've left, the black one, the void, it's always there.  I think that's the thing you can't comprehend.  Hearts are fragile, and when it comes to your children, and a breaking or rending, a tearing, such as this . . .well, how can that hole be filled with anything other than you?  For the part that is missing is you . I keep trying to learn about Substance Use Disorder {SUD} and how it affects the brain, the emotions, the life of its victim - and as I struggle to live without you, it becomes more and more clear how delicate the balances are.  When I took the free Harvard opioid class, I learned some things - but one really stuck with me.  The limbic system.   It's the part of the brain that controls emotions, pleasure, relaxation, and contentment.  Well, when those opioids hit that spot and the feeling washes over you - it takes away all the

Instead of a single rose from you this year John, I had to search the internet and find “Cemetary flowers” for your grave. You see, son, the world has gone crazy and a pandemic has hit. I couldn’t go to Hobby Lobby and put together a long lasting bouquet for you, but had to order one online. They are beautiful, for fake flowers, and they remind me of the times you brought me a single rose. Or wrote me a note. I miss you. This is an article I wrote my first Mother’s Day, (2018) but never published. Two years later and a lot of editing down to a “kinder gentler” article, and I submitted it to Still Standing.  Here is an excerpt: {“You know what the day is going to bring. Mom posts will abound. Happy families, tributes and photos of flowers and gifts, and an occasional post about a mom who is a little disappointed in her day.  She had high expectations for what she thought her day should look like, and somehow her children came up short. Try not to comment, or punch any