A Room With A View

A Room With A View . . .

My corner for the morning - a warm blanket and peanut butter & jelly toast . . .I'm all set

Yeah.  Being facetious.  I can see some treetops!  The cancer center is BUSY!  Everyone is getting their after Christmas dose of life-saving poison and the nurses are trying to keep up.  I thought I’d bring you with me today, dear reader, (⬅️ Morgan 😂) and show you what a day in the life of this grieving, and now, cancer patient, looks like.  

My appointment was at 8.  8:30 . . .I had my port accessed and headed back to the waiting room.  I saw the Doc about – 9:30.  He listened to my heart, squeezed my ankles, and asked how it went on Round One. I told him it went really great.  Then I shared my genetic results with him.  I'm BRCA 1 Positive - so this is definitely inherited and genetic.  

His reaction was a little shocked, and he confirmed what Mayo said about another surgery.  So, after chemo is all done and I've recuperated, I'll have the bilateral mastectomy and I assume sometime after that, I'll also give up my ovaries and fallopian tubes.  {Brian would say "be careful picking your parents!"}

At 10:05, we start the drip.  Saline first with an anti-nausea med and a steroid push.  Then another anti-nausea med in a drip for 20 minutes.  When those are done, I have the “red devil” pushed into my line and then a one hour drip of the second chemo.  Why do they call it the red devil?  Well, I know it comes out in your urine red, which could be alarming if you didn't get a fair warning.  It's also very toxic and can cause heart damage.  It's jello red in color and has to be slowly administered over 15-20 minutes into my port-a-cath by syringe.

The "red-devil"
Since my chemo is more likely to cause nausea, I have more “pre-treats”.  The steroid can keep you up all night, but I have a bedtime med that knocks me out cold.  I slept until 11:00 a.m. the first time I took it.  I felt like I was back in college.  

Before I leave, I’ll get the Neulasta patch placed on my arm.  That will give me a shot tomorrow to help my body build white blood cells.  I have to take Claritin with that and for five days after, or I can get joint pain and aches.  

In addition to all that medication, I have another anti-nausea I can take as needed.  Fortunately, I didn’t need it last time.  I think we fall into two groups – the “just puke and get it over with” camp, which Brian is in, and the “fight it with everything you’ve got”,  camp, which I definitely am.  Ish, I hate throwing up.  I can't breathe.

So, prayers for no side effects are always appreciated!  Funny story – the anti-nausea medication I get is also used as an antipsychotic medication.  They use it for schizophrenia and bipolar disorder – along with anxiety.  I guess those types of meds also work for puking.  Who would have guessed?  Here I am, Ms. I don’t want to take anything . . .and I’m a walking pharmacy these days.  Ugh.  Well, I shouldn’t be hearing any voices anyway.  Speaking of schizophrenia, we watched a great movie last night called “The Professor and the Madman”, with Sean Penn and Mel Gibson.  It’s about the undertaking of writing the Oxford Dictionary.  True story.  

So last night my hair started falling out.  I can’t help think of John when I think about hair.  The buzz cuts, the high and tight, the mohawk – that Brad Pitt hairstyle from the movie "The Fury" – I can’t remember what he called that one.  I think it was my favorite.  That kid had the thickest hair.  It took him years to find a style that worked for him.  He loved Pep’s Barbershop and a certain lady on base in Alaska who was a master with a clipper.  

I’ll probably have Brian shave my head soon.  He was in tears last night when I showed him a handful.  I told him it would grow back . . .but he said he was going to miss “pulling it”.  I lay my head in his lap and he rubs my head and “pulls” my hair.  I love it.  I feel like a big cat.  I’m not sure if I’ll like my bald head rubbed or not – we shall see.  It’ll be the season of the hats!  Sporting my Sheepdog hat today!  Brian wants to shave his head too – I told him not to.  I don’t want him getting cold.  He should enjoy his hair while he has it.  We’ll see if he listens.


I don't enjoy losing my hair, naturally, but I'm not sad either.  The thing about losing it is how it defines you.  You can walk around with a grieving heart and keep that pain from people if you want, but you can't hide a bald head.  It just screams cancer patient.  Ginger lost her hair on Jason's wedding day.  She had me straighten it for her that morning, and I could barely touch it.  I did her hair as gently as humanly possible.  She managed to keep it, mostly, for the day and the pictures.  She had a cute hat she put on later.  

My mom ended up keeping some hair.  It was kind of long for her, and she wrapped it up and secured it with a barret.  I remember one night when we were out to eat and someone made fun of her "hair-doo".  I sort of wanted to punch that lady.  Mom came from the wig-wearing era and it still made her feel terrible to lose her hair.  

10:40 – anti-nausea drip complete.  Continuing with saline as we wait for the pharmacist to “stir up” my chemo.  They do it on-site when the order comes in.  We have to have blood drawn every time to check our “numbers” and make sure we are healthy and good to go.  So far, my numbers look great – just like my Dad.

I met a sweet nurse who knew John.  He invited her to a conceal and carry class.  Of course.  It's nice to be in a small town, surrounded by people that you have some connection with.  It's nice to be able to talk about him - without sobbing and to hear what a nice guy he was.   I love it when he "shows up".

My dad was here yesterday . . .my mother-in-law should be here soon.  We could have a little after Christmas party. 😏  

No one is allowed in these days due to covid, so we are all alone, but together.  Together with a common disease.  God bless these nurses.  They are the kindest people ever.  It takes a special person to be a nurse! 

Well, cheers to 2021 – May it be much more delightful than 2020!  

Comments

Continued prayers for a full and speedy recovery Kristin. You're an inspiration and source of strength for many. God Bless.
The Sheep Dog is on duty with you.
Anonymous said…
Lots of prayers and virtual hugs my sweet friend❤️ We love you both❤️
Anonymous said…
You’re in my thoughts and prayers! I’m so sorry you have to go through this! Hugs! ❤️
Thank you all for your love and prayers!
Anonymous said…
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