The Portal: Portal-ity Thoughts

To be honest, once I publish a blog, I very rarely go back and reread it. I'm sure much of what I say is redundant. But as long as it's in my mind, it's just going to keep coming out in my words.  Today I went back, very briefly, and looked at a few of the posts.  Has God been preparing me all along for this devastating loss of a child? Of course he has.  I posted, in one blog, that in the middle of the night, during one of my wide-awake times, where I would panic and worry about John, God clearly dropped this thought into my mind . . ."Do you trust me?"  I cried like a baby. I did trust Him and I still do.  More than ever. I had been bringing John to the Lord constantly. Asking for his healing from addiction, from the recurring thoughts and memories, from the feelings of guilt and self-loathing. We prayed and we prayed that he would be healed.  And he was. Was it the way we wanted?  No.  It was the way God wanted.  Would our way have ...

  Sunset on Seven Mile Beach, Grand Cayman My brother-in-law, Chris, sells Beck's Seed. It's new to Minnesota. This made it possible for Brian and I, as his customers, to take a trip to Grand Cayman.  We had scheduled this trip before our son John passed away,  and had originally worked the dates out so we could celebrate John's birthday here in Minnesota, and then leave for Grand Cayman to celebrate our 29th wedding anniversary.  More firsts.  Brian and I hadn't taken a vacation without our kids for years.  When John passed away on 11.4.17, we weren't sure we wanted to go, to be quite honest,  but we agreed we could use a week of sunshine and anonymity. We had heard from Chris, repeatedly, what an amazing company Becks is. How down to earth and faith-based their organization is. We had no idea.  Obviously, since we lost John, we've been feeling a bit reclusive, vulnerable and sad. It's hard to be around the people we do know, let al...