A Tribute To SPC John Ryan Schlegel

September 11^th, 2020.  Let that sink in for a moment.  What comes to mind when you remember that day in 2001?  Living in rural America, we saw it all unfold on television.  People running away, fireman, rescue, and police rushing towards.  Chaos and horror.  Planes crashing and buildings turned to rubble. Disbelief and death – stories of lives lost and terrorism.  We felt, maybe for the first time, vulnerable and attacked.  But we came together.  We stood strong and our patriotism was a beautiful picture of unity and love for the country and for our fellow man.  Stories of heroism, of protection, of last phone calls, of the men and women who gave everything to serve, protect, and save.

 

2020.  Almost twenty years later, where are we?  CoVid 19, pandemic, shutdowns, masks, an election year, riots, disunity, defunding threats, quarantine and isolation, chaos and again . . .horror.  It’s a year we are all ready to move on from.  

 

And yet, amidst all the arguing and fighting and tension . . .there is still patriotism and love.  For me, all our years are counted as before John died, and after John died, and 2020 will mark the end of year three, on November 4th.  Three years of not seeing John, but also the year that Tribute to the Troops remembered him and honored him for his service, in a show of great love and unmatched patriotism.  These are the stories we need to see.  Stories that bring life.  Stories of friendship and compassion.  A story of love and of faith.  A story of how great we are when we stand together.

On September 11, 2020, 39 motorcycles and 67 riders left a bereaved family in Owatonna and journeyed north towards Kandiyohi County.  We would be their second stop of six this last weekend.  Six families honored – in their loss of a child.  Their purpose is to remember the fallen – our heroes -  and to this group how they fell isn’t important.  It’s that they served – that they gave their lives for their country, to their country, or lost it because of what happened during or after their service.

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I wrote a letter to the President after John died. I told them there should be a different designation for the families that lost their veterans to the opioid epidemic or suicide.  There is no military honor in being injured and coming home with a horrendous addiction, or for not being able to bear the images in your head and choosing to take your life. No parade, so escort, no designation.  Not for that.   I suggested a black star . . .because that’s how it feels.  As black as the darkest night, with no hope of sunrise.

 

Well, he didn’t get back to me – but my Heavenly Father did.  You see, he knew of a group of individuals that consider our loss to be just as important as the rest. He orchestrated a connection and the next thing I knew – the beautiful sound of the rumbling of motorcycles was approaching in the distance.  In the rain and through the mist - offering their love and support and inviting us into a whole new family.  One where are are Gold too.  💛

When they first contacted us, our initial thought was to say no.  To not relive it and look it hard in the face again.  To not ask people for more of their time or support.  But, at the end of the day, it wasn’t about us.  It was about our son, SPC John Ryan Schlegel, and his love and service to his country.  It wasn’t about his death from an accidental fentanyl overdose or his substance use disorder.  It was about the little boy who grew up wanted to serve his county. The boy with the flag on his wall and the Army men lined up on the floor.  The guy with the big shoulders who was always available to lean on and to listen to you, and the guy who turned on his funny Minnesotan accent.  The guy who loved his country, his rural upbringing, his family, friends, and his military brothers.

Ride Captain Jim and mementos from the life of SPC John Ryan Schlegel

The men and women who came to the home farm last Friday consider us part of their family.  I kept correcting them when they called us a Gold Star Family – because we are not.  They told us it didn’t matter to them.  John served his country with honor and distinction and they were coming to honor him for it.  I cried.  I stopped correcting them.  One rider explained to me that the founder, Rocky, said they consider John’s death and those like it a  “sniper shot”.  I get that.  His death was due to his injury and the addiction that happened while serving his country.  There is no dishonor in that.  

 

Tribute to the Troops said his name, they honored his service, they loved his family and talked to his friends.  They cried with us and hugged us.  They gave us life with their love and support.  It was so good to talk about John.  To hear his name over and over – and to know that they will carry our son's memory with them in their hearts, on their bikes, and in their prayers, always.  They are our “Framily” – as one Gold Star Mother calls them.  Friends who became family, and we, along with John, will always be welcomed with open arms.

SPC John Schlegel - US Army 🇺🇸

 

Pointing at John's name.

There can be a lot of shame in a soldier who returns differently than when he left.  One that is injured or traumatized.  They see themselves as failures, and quite frankly, when you lose a child in this unnatural order, unnatural way, you too see yourself as a failure.  Failure is a word that brings tears to my eyes every single time I write it.  In my heart, I know it’s not true.  An accident is not a failure.  An injury is not a failure.  Suffering from PTSD or mental illness is not a failure.  Chronic pain, in John’s case, was unbearable, and in the lives of so many of our Veterans that take their own lives, their pain was too great for them to remain.  It wasn’t a failure. It was heartbreak.

 

But even though you know the truth, it’s still hard to swallow.  Your child is gone, and you can’t help but blame yourself.  The "what if’s" go all the way back to the cradle.  So, when they call and want to honor your son or daughter, you want nothing more than to stand in that moment and relish the fact that someone else sees them.  Another Veteran who understands it all too well, a father who looked out the window and saw two servicemen approaching the door (two I learned means a death, one means an injury).  A retired veteran who has the most beautiful heart for people and I hope will be a lifelong friend, a retired police officer, a young marine, Gold Star parents, all ages, all walks of life, from all over Minnesota – along with a rider from Florida and Oregon.  In all, 67 beautiful hearts that came into our lives and changed it forever.

So grateful for this beautiful lady

Bergen - future rider?

 

They said we had one of the largest outpourings of friends and family that they have seen.  That says a lot about John, our community, and the fact that we put our fear aside and let people into this moment in our lives - even though it was hard.  I honestly didn’t think anyone would want to come.  In fact, when I threw it out as a Facebook event and invited anyone who might want to come, I was amazed and humbled at the response. There are so many kind people in the world, really. I counted 60 friends and family.  

 

The tribute was beautiful.  The warmth and love palpable – but the impact it had on those who attended was not something I was not prepared for.  It touched their hearts so deeply and so many reached out and thanked me for letting them be a part of it.  Truly, we were so humbled by it.  If they call, say yes.  Your broken heart will thank you, and so will your neighbors.

The next night we were invited to a banquet where we once again got to see the beautiful faces of the ones who gave their time, their weekend, their love, and their support so freely with us and with so much grace.  At the banquet, they dimmed the lights and every name of Minnesota's fallen was spoken during the roll call – tea lights framing their photos and the young marine ringing the bell after each name. Taps was performed, the Pledge of Allegiance recited.  We listened to a beautiful and inspiring message from a retired Brigadier General, had a wonderful meal and the best desserts . . . donated by our dear and most generous friend, Debbie from Farmhouse Kitchen, and after the ceremony, we had the pleasure of a concert by the talented musician, Shane Martin.  

 

It was a remarkable weekend.  I will not look back at 2020 with the same mindset, instead, I am forever grateful for you, Tribute to the Troops.  You are a shining light, a beautiful story – a story worth sharing again and again. You bring hope and honor, you bring love and friendship, you bring healing into a broken heart – and I thank God for each and every one of you.  

 

Thank you to all our friends an family, who helped make this weekend possible and who touched our hearts by coming out to honor John. To Allison, Morgan, and Shay, for spending your weekend with us and for helping me get it together and keep it together!  I love you guys.  To Jan and Debbie for your friendship, presence and generosity!  This beautiful lady made 400 cake bites for the banquet, 600 cookies for church the next day, and cakes for fundraisers and auctions, all at the same time!  And she dontated  EVERYTHING!  

Debbie & Jan - Farmhouse Kitchen

Our family, Kaitlin, Jason and the Grandkids - Daveney & Bergen❤️

As I write, I can see four flags flying nearby – and I am reminded of the words in our pledge – One nation, under God, indivisible . . . and I have hope. I pray that those coming behind us will always remember the sacrifices made for their freedom and that they will continue the fight for the dreams and ideals that our forefathers envisioned when they formed this great nation.

For more information about Tribute to the Troops or to support this fantastic organization, click here!  🇺🇸 What they are doing is life-giving. We are forever grateful. ❤️