Day 2639 . . .Dear John, Happy Birthday 🎈

You left us at 24, and today you'd be 32.  It's hard to wrap my head around that.  I guess you'll always be 24 - but down here, I'm watching your friends get older.  Get married.  Have children.  Get divorced, and in some cases, keep struggling.  

I have some peace knowing your struggle is over.  If you were still fighting the same demons I don't know where that would have left either one of us or the family.  It was the hardest thing I've dealt with, other than your death, and I feel like we have dealt with a lot.  But, to watch your child be controlled by a substance, one that changes who they are, takes over their life, their thoughts, their minute-by-minute - it's the most helpless feeling I've ever had.  I couldn't fix it.  So, in one very small way, it helps . . .helps to know you are safe, in Heaven, with Jesus, and we will see you again.  

Thank you for making that decision and for keeping your faith, even though you were living a lifestyle that seemed contradictory, the Lord knew your heart.  And so did a lot of other people from the notes we got.  Even in Alaska, it sounds like you held your ground, even when you were made fun of for that first set of dog tags, where instead of "Christian", I told you we were "Pentecostal".  And we were - but that can be a little much at times for a young man to explain, can't it?  You got a lot of questions and we had several phone conversations while you were trying to discuss that and share your faith.  In the end, it isn't about the denomination, it's about the heart. And yours belonged to Jesus. That gives us so much comfort, John. It isn't complicated. I pray that if anyone gets anything out of your story, it's to give your life to Jesus.  Not just for the sake of where you'll eternally dwell, but for the comfort it leaves behind - until we all meet again. Now we go to a non-denominal church, sorry John. I think I confused you more than necessary at that time. 

I see many of your peers struggle with faith.  The "all roads lead to God" seems to have crept in and they are believing it.  I'll never understand how, when the gift of eternal life is so easily grasped, they'd want to follow a dark path, a complicated path, a convoluted path.  I guess at the end of the day, it's pride and blindness to the truth. It seems like these days, it's okay to be anything you want, animals included, just not a Bible-believing Christian.  It's so very sad.  The one thing that will give you life and hope, and you'd rather put your faith in the dark, dead prophets, or yourself.

In my sixty years, in all the Bible reading and study, one thing is abundantly clear, and that is that the Bible is true.  It's been proven time and time again and the discoveries that are made only further conclude that Jesus died for our sins, rose again, and through Him and that great sacrifice, we are given the greatest gift, even though we don't deserve it.  We can enter Heaven just by asking him to come into our hearts and forgive our sins.  He is alive.  Willing and waiting for us to join him.

I often wonder what that looks like for you.  You are living your best life, in the most amazing place, with so many people you know and love, and with your Saviour.  Incredible.  I so look forward to the day we are all together again - no more pain, no more tears, no more heartache.  I'm so tired of heartache. I'm so thankful for HOPE and ETERNAL LIFE!

You probably are aware, but your guy got re-elected.  I am so hopeful that this drug issue can finally be confronted!  So many of our beautiful children are dying from fentanyl poisoning and overdose and it needs to stop.  Look at this number from the National Center for Drug Abuse . . . .ONE MILLION!!!!  If you don't see this as terrorism in its most diabolical form, I don't know what to say.   

Writing has been harder for me.  I guess I've already said everything.  Your death has changed us, permanently.  We aren't the people we were and never will be.  It leaves such a void in our hearts.  The little stuff is just that - little stuff.  The heartache seems to be overwhelming at times.  There is great joy too, in the midst, in the love of family and friends, sharing in their happy moments and watching the littles grow - but I'd be lying if I said it's easy to watch the world go on without you.  I wonder, if you hadn't been injured, what your life would look like.  Would you be married?  Would I have gotten to dance with you at your wedding?  Would you have kids - cousins for Katie's kids?  But when I go there, the tears fall, and I remember this verse:

Isaiah 57:1 NLT. "Good people pass away; the godly often die before their time.  But no one seems to care or wonder why.  No one seems to understand that God is protecting them from the evil to come."

I have to believe that God allowed your death to save you.  He didn't cause your death. You made choices that caused your death.  He could have stopped it, yes.  But in his great wisdom, which is far more than we can understand, he allowed it.  And I trust Him.  I trust Him with you.  You were His before He gave you to us, and I know it broke His heart too.  

I love you, John.  I hope you can feel that still.