The Portal: Portal-ity Thoughts

Mother's Day.  The day all of us moms look forward to with anticipation. Or at least used to. The day our kids call to say "Hey, thanks, Mom! Thanks for bringing me into the world, for loving me, taking care of me, for being that unconditional support system that every child needs." There is something special about your mom. Dads are awesome too, of course, but let's face it.  Your mom is your mom. My husband watches a lot of war documentaries and one thing they say over and over again is how common it would be to hear the men, in their pain or at the end of their lives, calling out for their mothers.  My mom was the bomb. She was hilarious and kind.  She didn't offer a bunch of unnecessary advice.  She never made us feel like we weren't enough or that we didn't measure up.  She just loved us for who we were and she enjoyed us. She raised us up and let us fly.  She always took our phone calls, and she listened.  She listened for as long a...

I'm not feeling it.  Today has been such an incredibly hard day. I wasn't expecting that.  I was spending time with my gorgeous new grandbaby, and the thought of a new year all of the sudden completely blindsided me. Why?  Because I felt that I was leaving John behind in 2017.  Maybe that makes no sense to anyone else, or maybe it makes perfect sense. I would imagine anyone who lost a child around the holidays can certainly relate. I think a poor night's sleep got the ball rolling, but roll it did.  I couldn't stop crying. Couldn't get myself together.  I had to go home. What a terrible feeling that is.   Ringing in the New Year should be a time of joy and celebration. However, for me, today, the tears won't stop. The year 2017, for us, will always be the year John died.  The year he left us.  The year that changed our lives forever. The year the sadness came to visit and refused to leave.  I don't want to move out of 2017. ...