The Portal: Portal-ity Thoughts

You came to me in a dream. They are rare, but I covet them so. You were yourself, just as I remember you. The dream was so detailed, so strange, so comforting.   Grandma was there too – my family intact. In the dream, Grandpa didn't like where I parked my truck, so he moved it. (He stills tells me how to drive). We were on Litchfield Avenue, we grabbed a pizza at the old Dominos location, and he was concerned our food would get cold. He parked the truck so well, so close to someone’s house, that we couldn't find it!  We told Grandpa we lost the truck and he said, "I parked it at Lavash's", a name I've never heard of, but how odd. Also in the dream, a friend gave me a card announcing the opening of a salon – it was very much in color. It was so blue - as if you took a piece of the summer sky and mixed it with the opalescence of seashells. I'll never believe the "experts" when they say you dream in black and white. Anyway, John, you backed ...

As the year 3 mark approaches – I find myself in a quiet and melancholy place. Year one was shock and horror, people, appointments with the DA – almost a blur. I learned how to listen to books to put me to sleep – as I couldn’t read, and I am still struggling to finish one book the old fashioned way, although I’ve started many. Brain fog, disbelief, searching, what-ifs. It was a year of people not knowing what to do with us, of mountains of tears and extreme emotions.  Of anger and profound sadness.  A year where food lost its flavor and coffee became all that tasted good.    I avoided people, places, and questions.  It was a year that I couldn’t talk about him without crying, where I dreaded any kind of get together because of the questions that were asked and because of the reality of the lives we were living.  I said no.  I know it hurt people’s feelings, but how could they possibly understand how a wedding or a graduation party ripped our heart...

Tomorrow is John's golden birthday. 🎈Happy 25th son.  I wonder what you're doing?  Your dad is on his fifth book about Heaven. It sounds amazing.  I will read those books too when I can concentrate on the words, because I know it would give me joy and peace to be able to imagine where you are and what you might be doing.  I know Heaven is not what we mere mortals imagine it to be.  It's not a 24/7 cloud sitting party, singing old hymns, across an eternity of boredom.  Not by a long shot.  Brian wonders why we don't hear more sermons on it.  Why we aren't excited about its possibilities, why our attitude is one of dragging our feet to our grave and not anticipating the day we get to go!  God is amazing - we only see a fraction of his creativity and beauty on Earth.  He has an eternity of wonder, of knowledge, of love and belonging in store for those who believe, and to us, that day is greatly anticipated, more so now that you have gone...