The Portal: Portal-ity Thoughts

John, I have to take a moment to brag on your friends.  I got a message from your friend JJ, and it was honestly the best.  It made me stop and take a look back at this week, literally one week in time - and I saw an amazing thing.  It was your friends, John. They just keep showing up in different ways, thoughtful ways, incredibly kind ways. And while I'm sitting here reflecting on it all, thanking God for it all, possibly working through an entire box of tissues over it all, I decided this is well worth writing about.  I know you are not surprised by me telling you how great your friends are.  You knew. You talked about them all the time.  You missed them so much when you weren't with them.   They've included us in exciting news - T&A are expecting!!! I know that was a tough thing for you, being so far away when they were struggling with losing the twins. You wanted so much happiness for them. You were the babies Godfather . . .❤️ ...

Today was a pretty good day.  We posted the online store to purchase memorial clothing in honor of John!  (Thanks, Terrin & Rambow!) It was exciting to see the design and all the choices.  I can't wait to get the items that I ordered - I think John would really like this idea.  We are so happy to be donating the proceeds to the Dan Baker Foundation so they can continue to help others in similar situations to ours.  Dave and Mary Baker have been a Godsend to us. The minute they heard about John's death they reached out to us and have been there ever since. Their kids, Oliva and Alex, reached out to Kate as well, they are just so incredibly kind.  It means so much to us to have another set of parents who have walked this road, to help us understand what it looks like and feels like.  They help us realize we aren't crazy.  Mary's heart is so wrapped up in this loss of ours.  It's hard for her, yet there she is, despite her tears, st...

  Sunset on Seven Mile Beach, Grand Cayman My brother-in-law, Chris, sells Beck's Seed. It's new to Minnesota. This made it possible for Brian and I, as his customers, to take a trip to Grand Cayman.  We had scheduled this trip before our son John passed away,  and had originally worked the dates out so we could celebrate John's birthday here in Minnesota, and then leave for Grand Cayman to celebrate our 29th wedding anniversary.  More firsts.  Brian and I hadn't taken a vacation without our kids for years.  When John passed away on 11.4.17, we weren't sure we wanted to go, to be quite honest,  but we agreed we could use a week of sunshine and anonymity. We had heard from Chris, repeatedly, what an amazing company Becks is. How down to earth and faith-based their organization is. We had no idea.  Obviously, since we lost John, we've been feeling a bit reclusive, vulnerable and sad. It's hard to be around the people we do know, let al...

Crappy. [edited] Is that what you wanted to hear?  This is the worst possible thing that I can think of living through, and yet here we are.  Teetering between reality and a dream. So if you don't want to know how I'm really doing, stop reading now, or ask the Minnesota nice question, "Hey, how are you", and I'll say "Good, you?" and we can both get on with our day.   Please, don't continue asking me (true story), because, you will end up with a sobbing pile of goo, and I don't really think that's what you want. Do you?   If you do, then invite yourself over, bring a Venti Cinnamon Dolce from Starbucks, and maybe some Special K Bars, and we can discuss my deepest darkest feelings.  You're still going to get a sobbing pile of goo, but I won't be out in public, and I'll get a coffee:).  I'm afraid it's going to be the answer for a very long time.  We are all going to have good moments and bad moments.  Good hour...