The Portal: Portal-ity Thoughts

I am a lover of paper.  Of words.  Of journals.  I have so many journals . . .all colors and sizes, and it's been my modus operandi to write for a few days and then stop.  I think as much as I like to document my thoughts and feelings, what would always happen is, I would end up just blathering on about my feelings, venting, or writing about trivial things when I thought the words should be rich and deep. Well, let me encourage you to write, write anything and everything because one day those words will be important.  So important.   I found a journal that I bought in early 2017, with a gift card to Barnes and Noble.  It seemed a bit extravagant, it has a buttery soft leather cover, it's covered in words,  and has thick quality paper. It reminds me of something old and worldly. I didn't want to ruin it by writing once or twice and leaving it in the pile, so I decided to fill it with things I learned, quotes I liked, prayers and res...

Speaking for the general populace, in our need to be helpful, we find ourselves wanting to encourage the bereaved and help them along their path.  We want to know that they are okay, and we are probably looking to move on as well.  After all, we've brought the casserole or attended the service.  We've offered our prayers and condolences, blessed them with a card, flowers or a plant, and we would now like to believe that they are happy, moving forward, living life again, and being thankful and grateful for all the other blessings in their lives.  When this isn't happening, in our self-suggested time frame, which seems to be around 3-6 months, we start to assume the bereaved parent is stuck and may need our help.  They may even be depressed, and we have several brilliant ideas that we feel we must, most definitely, share with said bereaved souls. So, again, we dig deep and we start throwing out a few  helpful cliches:   {a phrase or opi...

Four months ago, on Saturday, November 4th, 2017, we woke up to find our beautiful 24-year-old son, John Ryan, lifeless in his bed from an opioid overdose.  He looked peaceful lying there, but not exactly like himself.  What made him who he was, the essence of him, was no longer there.  His body, the vessel that housed his spirit and his soul, was carefully preserved and laid to rest in a beautiful container, for that day when the Lord's timeline is fulfilled. On that day,  John's body will be raised from the dead, glorified, and reunited with his soul. A soul that did not die.  You'll notice that I said John's body will be raised . . . not his "person".   John did not spend a moment not being himself.  He left that body and his soul stepped into eternal life. He is fully himself in Heaven, without the worldly baggage that was dragging him down while here on Earth.   The one thing you get to take with you from this life is your soul. ...

Crappy. [edited] Is that what you wanted to hear?  This is the worst possible thing that I can think of living through, and yet here we are.  Teetering between reality and a dream. So if you don't want to know how I'm really doing, stop reading now, or ask the Minnesota nice question, "Hey, how are you", and I'll say "Good, you?" and we can both get on with our day.   Please, don't continue asking me (true story), because, you will end up with a sobbing pile of goo, and I don't really think that's what you want. Do you?   If you do, then invite yourself over, bring a Venti Cinnamon Dolce from Starbucks, and maybe some Special K Bars, and we can discuss my deepest darkest feelings.  You're still going to get a sobbing pile of goo, but I won't be out in public, and I'll get a coffee:).  I'm afraid it's going to be the answer for a very long time.  We are all going to have good moments and bad moments.  Good hour...

If God sees us as complete, beautifully and wonderfully made, knit together by His hand, loved and cherished child of the Most High. . .why is it so hard to accept ourselves and feel accepted by others?  When did people get more power over our thoughts than the Almighty God?  The God of the Universe thinks you are wonderful, but people, social media, etc.,  can make you feel so less than.  I read a pin on Pinterest that said "You're not Everyones Cup of Tea".  Well, isn't that a heartwarming, albeit, true thought.  A lot of people don't even like tea, and they aren't afraid to express just how inadequate your flavor of tea is.  In fact, they not only dislike your flavor of tea,  they can't even tolerate tea.  Ish. 😝  Tea is gross.  Have you ever felt like a bad cup of tea?  I guess you'd leave a really foul taste in the drinkers mouth.  How sad is that? Each individual is uniquely created.  We are the snowfla...