Dear John, Grandpa died
Dear John, I've wanted to let these words out for a while now, they've been burning inside my head, and at 1:38 a.m., they need to be set free. I haven't been sleeping well. Obviously. The audible books and medication can't keep out the thoughts lately, and it seems that the window of 2:00 - 5:00 a.m. has become my nemesis. I think the culmination of triggers lately has pushed my brain into a frenzied state and it's going wild at night. The sadness, guilt, and frustration are at their peak in the wee hours and I am subject to their mercy. The current trigger, in addition to Grandpa's death, was being told I was "handling it well". Handling the death of my father WELL?? Indeed, how does one handle death well? Do you have any idea what that day was like? Read on. I am assuming what was meant was I am handling it with a startling lack of emotion. If they only knew. Yes, outwardly I am going through the motions and every single wall is up. Up